When reality is better than fiction


There was a time when mom actually yelled at me everytime I used to start a new book. I always had a book in my hand and couple of those Papa got from the Naval Central Library. At that time I could read almost anything and at a good speed losing myself in the world.
The fiction world seemed surreal and I learnt a lot from the characters, the situations and above all the words craftily spun into mystic sentences by the authors.

2007 – that year changed me completely and most of you almost know by now why as most of my posts are related to that one incidence. Why my posts have a similar underlying theme is because on 10 October 2007 this blog was started as an outlet for all the congested emotions that were building up in my heart like a bacteria for too long. This blog was a vent for them. That’s why I chose to wrote under the pseudonym – Fruity – a tribute to salute the effervesence and the undying spirit of a bubbly girl called Mehak who did die in 2007.

During 2006, I had started reading three books (I was in a habit to read multiple books simulataneously) – Life of Pi, Shantaram and The Fountainhead. I had borrowed these from my cousin and friends. While I was packing my stuff before making a big move to New Zealand, I bought the copies of the books so that I could read these.

Circa 2009, the books were still wrapped in their covers, eating dust in the tall boy while I concentrated on writing about my in built emotions. I felt like a prisoner of depression for three years. I felt sad, alone and overall pissed off at these books which most of the times had happy endings. The real characters of people, the real life situations and above all the words craftily said by these people took precedence and nipped my heart several times.

This was the time when reality started looking better than fiction and educated me a lot too.

Its been three years, I have met people who have lost their parents when they were kids or have not even seen their parents. I have met people who have been alone fighting through a disease. I have met people who don’t have fancy things as I do.
I have consoled other people a million times, given them hope and let them smile when I smiled. I know for some people my smile is the reason for their smile. I have written on other blog posts about my own experience and how god is always there. I read the nice little review by her too that made me reminisce about the old times. Trust me there is no better therapy then self therapy.

I have started to forgive myself, I have started to forgive him for ditching that night and not waiting till morning, I have forgiven myself for letting that effervescent girl die a silent death.

11 March 2010, precisely 4 days post the third death anniversary, I picked the book, cleaned the dust using my sleeve and took off the cover and devoured it to let the young girl feed on the characters and words. The Fountainhead is back!

Its almost time when I have outcomed the dark insipid space and taken over to renew the lease of this life! I am going to nurture every bit of it. I am going to do things that I stopped three years ago. I am going to think about me. I am going to read the fiction to face the harsh reality with a new outlook and new take on life! I have finally succeeded to beat the depression. I am a winner in my own right.

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19 thoughts on “When reality is better than fiction

  1. I used to read a lot too… usually from cover to cover before putting it down. I never stopped reading when things didn’t go well for me, but for the past few years, my time is being monopolized by my work, time spend in front of the computer and sleep. From 4-5 books a week to < 20 books a year. :-(

  2. I cant believe i totally missed this one.
    & I reinforce your one of the beliefs above -your smile is a reason for smile of many others. I too am blessed.I dont know for a second, after reading your post, i just realized i missed out on you bigtime and i dont know who to blame.
    From the core of my heart,and the soul of my every bone in the body.. i totaly miss you right now and ur absence can not be made up by anything fancy in the world.

    I so wish i was there everytime you had a low thought in your head and heart. I so wish, I made it for you at the time and was capable enough, just so you probably could vent out onto me if that made you feel any better in any way.

    As much as i hate to say it, but i got no clue when do i get to see you next. But i did plead to god just a while back , asking him to take care of you wherever you are .
    I love you girl. I really do.

  3. Didnt know u had changed.
    I thght u were the fun loving innocent mischevious girl always fooling others and high on life.
    Glad u are getting out of that mood and back to being happy.

  4. Girlie, sorry for reading the post so late. Is this about your grandpa? I can totally understand :( Have been in the same situation. I really miss him :( Good that you vented out all your feelings here. I am sure you will feeling lighter after the post. How is Fountainhead btw? I tried reading Atlas Shrugged and then gave up. Not my kind.
    Take care :) *A veryyy big hug*

  5. Book reading has always been inspirational to me…sometimes books are even better than reality as they have the power to help us avert a bad future…

    Books can also give strength…which is there in your case…

    I am not sure what happened with you , but I like the fact that you stood by yourself.

    Fight will go on forever…spirit should never go…and you are doing a great job in ensuring that spirit lives.

  6. Clearly I have a lot of history to catch up on.

    Lovely post. Glad to see you’re finding your inspiration in these books.

    No, there is nothing wrong in venting on a blog, especially if that attempt at catharsis invites comments that are supportive and help you develop a balanced perspective. I think that is exactly where this is headed.

    Take care and I’ll keep stopping by.

  7. Your view towards life is a sadistic one, especially reading the para

    “2007 – that year changed me completely and most of you almost know by now why as most of my posts are related to that one incidence. Why my posts have a similar underlying theme is because on 10 October 2007 this blog was started as an outlet for all the congested emotions that were building up in my heart like a bacteria for too long. This blog was a vent for them. That’s why I chose to wrote under the pseudonym – Fruity – a tribute to salute the effervescence and the undying spirit of a bubbly girl called Mehak who did die in 2007.”

    I can understand what you must have gone through lot of, the pain, the rejection, and feeling of being unwanted. All that happened when you “think” that you were very close to the success.
    Now there are two worlds exist for you, one that has “HIM” and a perfect life and other where you have your home, your job and so on.
    And when you compare these two worlds, you see that the former one is wonderful and this one has lot of struggle.
    But the point missed here is the first world exists only in “your mind” not in REALITY.

    The moment which we lived only exists in our minds as a “point of view” not as “THE TRUTH”, but as “A TRUTH”.

    When we were born, we were like free, fully expressive, no constraints, no shame, no blames. But slowly, as we grow up, series of incidents made us feel “VICTIM”, we start saying to ourselves that we need something to protect ourselves. That’s where we start to build up our so-called personality. That give us success and where we are right now is due to this personality. Here we forgot to see that we are wearing winter clothes in all the seasons, be it winter (giving success) or summers (feeling sadden & a prisoner).
    Stop being Victim of the circumstances and past, start being responsible of your life (without Blame, Shame, Guilt or unhappy)
    As one song of Amir Khan says – “ Jisse hum dekhen yeh Jahan hai waisa hi” Tare Zamein par (Bum Bum bole)

    P.S. – Its my point of view, you can try it ON or can throw it in a bin. Keep smiling always… Love and Happiness to you.

    • Thanks palash. Quite a viewpoint here. Those who know me in real life know what i am,what happened,what transpired and how i faced it?

      I am not sadistic. I have learnt for a fairly long time not to share my fear even with my closest friends as i was putting up a brave front for someone. Its only now that i have started to share. My friends know i am there for them even if i myself am in a bad phase in life.

      You still got lots to know about me. Those who do would agree I am anything but one who has sadistic take on life.

      Thank you once again for your constant pep talk and motivational quotes and jokes. Its things like these and the awesome new people i have met that has made me aware my pain was a small bearing.

      This daddy’s girl has learnt to fly her own solo flight.

      • Well – just to add here – I have seen d ups and downs in your life and I know how difficult it was.

        Everyone goes through such events in their life, but the difference lies in your response, how you take it and how you tackle it.

        All said – the good thing is that you have dragged urself out of it and now i can see the same Mehak once again. Its great to have the same smile associated with Mehak which was there some years back.

        Love to see you happy gal :)

        Just have the same attitude towards life and you know your friends are always wid you.

  8. Hey kish… it was great to read dis article of urs… n d best thing that i liked was d way u fought wid life. Yeah this is life… n u encounter ups n dows in life… but d best part was that yeah.. Mehak has not given up.. she is still ready to face life as it comes..

    I too wanna c d same… smile_mehak and know me know fun… no me no fun gal… as she was 3 long years ago.

    The best lines here were – I have finally succeeded to beat the depression. I am a winner in my own right. – thats d spirit and dats d way u need to be.

    Way to go gal. All d best n may u get all that you desire. :)

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