Learning it the hard way


It is astonishing how your closest friends will say the most acerbic statements to you in a spur of a moment and won’t even feel sorry. Your kind soul might give them a benefit of doubt by blaming stressful life, PMS or just being a temporary bit**.

Under the cloak of jest, friendship is often abused. I have been at the receiving end of it just because *takes a moment for this* – I am unemployed. I, like my girl community over think the statement again and again. I have realised that in the past I must have also uttered inanities to my friends as well. I can actually recall two incidents where I was consciously being a bit**. I apologised to one of them by picking the phone once I reached home and saying  sorry. The other one, I never got around saying sorry.

Now why I end up being bruised by these statements:

1. I tend to do a LOT for friends whom I consider family. Specially when you are living abroad you need to have a close set of friends else it gets severely depressing.

2. Number 1 leads to high expectations.

3. I avoid conflicts. I hate loud fights. I hate when people in a spur of a moment forget their limitations.

4. I mostly smile when some inanity is reflected towards me rather than answering back owing to our relationship history or seniority (if the said friend is senior to me).

Four recent incidents have made me write this post. I have been continuously over thinking why these  people behaved in the way they did. I am not going to confront these people – not because I am a coward (the direct term used by one of them who was hell bent on shoving their morality down my throat).

I have been subjected to constant jibes, raised voices and verbal abuse while growing up. I know there is no point in yelling back. You only projectile the dirt back onto yourself. I learnt this the hard way in 2007. I am a totally different person ever since that year.

What I have decided to adopt is this:

Learning it the hard way. But the good news is I am learning.

Learning it the hard way. But the good news is I am learning.

1. If your so called close friend or even a family member is continuously taking jibes at you or is ignorantly causing you grief, best is to stay away from them.

2. Focus on cultivating your passion. If you don’t have a passion, focus on finding what drives you.

3. Promise yourself to emerge as a better person, to not being a pushover, to focus more on life’s goal.

I realized one of my life long goals in 2012. I am now going to focus on the next two goals – one personal and one professional. 

4. Being successful is the only quality that earns you respect. No matter how nice you are, being kind is a cheap quality these days it seems.

I am sad at the same time to give in to the hardcore materialistic way of life. But I got to change with time before I am crushed to dust. And to people who drag you down because you are unemployed – please eff off.  It takes guts to quit an amazing job to focus on yourself.

To my detractors, I will only rise from now on. Don’t want anymore of your fake friendship or cynicism or banal advice.

Forgiveness will always be a long process where the inanity behind it might be caused in a spur of a moment.

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17 thoughts on “Learning it the hard way

  1. I have not visited this page since long. And again, reading the above post was a pleasure. I wish there was a metric to the capability of people close to you hurting for no good reason. As humans, we all have tendencies to utter non sense. Earlier, I thought it was okay, everyone does it. “Generally people don’t mean half the things they say,” used to be my get away from the situation. Until a phase came in life where this became a routine, with me being at the receiving end. I then learned it the hard way.

    I promised myself that I will not let this absurdity mess up my thoughts. I went by logic. If someone says something mindless that hurts someone, then it’s the person who says wrong pays, and not the other way around. From then on, it was not okay to tolerate. Yes, people say what they don’t mean but that’s what distinguishes good from bad, better from good. Good people learn to take responsibility of their words. I started to cut people from life who should not have been there, simply ignore. It’s strange whenever in life we are out of our comfort zone, we are compelled to have more people, material in life. However, the reverse approach yields surprisingly self satisfying results. But, seeing the same happen to others who had not been through it, it had to be a step further. Learn to confront, because if you will not, the person will do unknowingly who knows to how many. I might not be the pleasant person I was, doing that, but definitely the right one, and that matters more.

    There’s a very relevant quote from Plato:

    “Wise men speak because they have something to say; Fools because they have to say something.”

  2. Hello. Been long, eh? I’ve dealt with such people and situations before and there’s something I can tell you. You’re absolutely beautiful, kind, joyful and wonderful and I would never want you to change. However, I would want you to change what you do not like.

    You don’t have to transform into another person because of someone else. Just reach for what feels better. Don’t struggle with those who put you down because they’ll always find something else to talk about and it’s a never ending cycle. End the struggle, don’t waste energy on people and events that drain you.

  3. Story of my life. I try my best to make friends and then one casual remark is all that is required to put me off that person. Why are people so insensitive?

  4. LOL @ someone who calls YOU a coward. Really. That’s hilarious. I mean, come on. Do you even know MD? :D Anyway.. you can always flush their photos down the toilet after putting them on fire. I mean putting photos on fire. Don’t get any other ideas. Or wait. Don’t flush. You can always do it later :D

  5. I so agree with everything in the post. Have faced each and every point you mentioned and like you, I used to treat friends like family here. But after I had bitter experiences from many people, I have decided to focus on my career and passions, instead of feeling hurt. Even I feel it is better to stay away from a person, instead of confronting them or trying to mend the relationship. I learnt it the hard way though.
    And people are very materialistic. sad but true

    • And aren’t we glad we finally learnt the way how the world now operates? We both will only go upwards and onwards – there is no other option.
      Hugs. I have missed you. :)

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