2011 : A Closure

Dear 2011,

Thank you for finally coming to your tail end. I have been waiting for you to get over since May 2011. You have been brutal. You have been kind. You have been taunting. You have been encouraging. You tested my patience. You tested my mood swings. You tested my relationships. You shaped my personality. You have been a year that’s made of character building stuff.

 

You are now ending with a smile on my lips and a boost of self-confidence. Please keep the vibes alive for 2012 and beyond.

 

And dear readers, thank you for subscribing to this blog. No, seriously! It feels great to receive so much love. I am feeling encouraged to post regularly.

Wish me for the new innings. A big challenge will start from 9 January, 2012 and I am excited and nervous at the same time.

 

Love,

md610

xx

 

And now for keeping the blog’s tradition alive with the top entries.

 

The moments captured in my heart (with some vaaaa on the side *pout pout*)

 

1. Valentine’s Day Surprise Cruise
2. 6 May – And we graduated! Missed mom dad but basked in the comforting warmth of A who stood by me like a rock during all the troubling times.
3. 2 September – Big day for daddy’s lil girl. I know he is proud of me for expanding my purchasing horizon wider than shoes and dresses.
4. 28 October – Glimpse of the oasis. There is a silver lining to all dark clouds. Light at the end of a four year old bumpy tunnel stretch.
5. 5 November – A ‘ground breaking’ day.

 

The Angels (in no order as they have equal space in my heart )

 

Mum Dad – They heard our rants, they advised us, they coached us. They were the lifeboat that kept us floating. They helped us take wiser decisions. Above all, for they counted us in their blessings.

 

Prashant and Sujatha – For being our family here. For many late nights. For several chat sessions. For being adorable Vedant and Dhruv’s Kaki.

 

Frank and Saloni – For being a mentor for our new challenge. For being the ones who knew what we were going through. For opening their house and their heart to us. A special polar bear hug to Suhaan. Let’s go to Bunnings * repeat 10,000 times.

 

Mridu – For hearing me out. For being the first person to actually tell me I am her Best Friend *weeps*. For giving me an advanced birthday present because I deserved it (rightly so!). For being the kid sister I never had. Love you Mridu from the bottom of my heart. I missed you SO SO SO much.

 

A special shout out to Ragu for his continuous help. For our late night brainstormings. For his classic wobble headmovement. For just being this NICE.

 

My A – For holding my hand. For comforting me. For wiping my tears. For listening to my sleep time talks. For hugging me. For not letting me fall.

Pyar Mein Hai Jeevan Ki Khushi, Deti Hai Khushi Kai Gham Bhi
Main Maan Bhi Loon Kabhi Haar. Tu Maane Na

 

 

The Pep-ness

 

Jagjit Singh Ji’s concert at The Edge. I have counted my stars several times for getting to witness his aura in my lifetime.

 

Su’s Baby shower. Played hostess. Some heavy duty baking and lots of organizing later it was a lovely evening!

 

A’s surprise birthday party. I finally managed to pull a surprise!

 

Shetty Anna’s farewell. Aah the dance of madness. The impromptu chorus of Teri Tirrchi Nazar Ne Dil ko Pencharr with tablaa on the table.

Day of Diva. Lots of Lavender, Aromatherapy.. Some girly moments, sips of Strawberry Lush and an incredible dinner at Ruan Thai with the boys!

 

Camping trip to Paihia. A much needed break. More here.

 

 

The Losses

 

Stupid decision with an area of 1200m² and some 50k hectares. *smh*

 

Being too busy to lose touch with the buddies. Sorry Kanika, Mansi and Monu. Y’know I love you like crazy. I do. I do. I do.

 

The uncontrollable flow of tears after reading fake tweets regarding Jagjit Singh Ji. I have only cried once before like this. It took so long for me to hear his music again. The first time I heard Kal Chaudhavin Ki Raat thi tears rolled down my cheeks.

 

Faith in twitterville. The site allured me with its 140 characters marvelousness and gems (tweeps!!) who are now on my fb list. The site turned me off with pseudocelebs and fake people who made it a ghetto. How can I ever miss my lovelies – VanDiablo and Rohwit for being their constantly and making me laugh in tough times.

 

NaNoWriMo. Due to events post 28 October I couldn’t keep my pace up with the writing challenge. I will be better prepared for 2012. Yes, I will be. Sorry my dear sponsor. I know I’ve let you down.

 

 

The Hits. The online acclaim. The web of md610

 

Tears Taste Awesome.

This love story found so much adulation. Why, it brought me at least three offers for professional writing.

Jolt to Reality.

This destiny v/s talent short story promoted good debate on direct messages and gtalk chat windows.

3 Saal 11 Mahine aur 17 Din.

My first audio story rendition found stupendous response and brought me so much love and and affection for my diction and voice. Some mistook me for a professional sound artist. Some mistook me for an RJ.

Kuch Is Tarah.

The audio rendition of this poem that I wrote several years ago struck a sensitive chord with people. I got a worried call from family back home. Had to convince my super huggable folks that the poem didn’y reflect anything that was happening to me personally.

The iPhone photographer in me found some sugah on Instagram. Check them here. Alternatively, check the imported Flickr stream here.

 

 

The Music. The best mate - iPod

(A big polar bear hug to my Santa who gave me the much desired Bose Acoustics Noise Cancelling Headphones)

Shaitan.

Uff the madness. The addiction. This is clearly one of the BEST OSTs in recent times.

Delhi Belly. The situational tracks with perfect dose of pep pep pep. Special mention to end piece of Tere Siva, the sole love ballad.

 

Rockstar – Kun Faaya Kun. I am lost for words. Sheher Mein. Tum Ho. Aah the magic of ARR.

 

The Saadi Galli, The Laung Da Lashkara, The Char Baj Gaye, The Bekaraan, The Saibo, The Senorita, The Chammak Challo, The Madhubala, The Jugni, The Ooh La La

 

Adele. She captured my heart. She has a voice that is hopelessly beautiful. She helped me mend my broken heart somehow.

 

 

The Big Screen (Indian)

 

Dhobi Ghaat. Amazing debut by Kiran Rao. Beautiful screenplay. Heart-warming characters. Lovely thumris.

 

Pyaar Ka Punchnama. Hilarious dialogues. Boys perspective. Guilty conscious girls. Liquid FTW.

 

Shaitan. Loved loved loved. EXCEPT the last scene. Still not over Khoya Khoya Chaand!

 

I am Kalam. Promoted this gem as much as I could on social sites. BRILLIANT. Had a long chat with Pitobash about his work. Also, in the same breath let’s include Chillar Party.

 

Yeh Saali Zindagi. Chitrangda. Irrfan. Arunoday. Aditi. A heady cocktail of performances.

 

Chalo Dilli. A sweet tale. Beautiful ending.

 

Mujhse Fraandship Karoge. Nupur Asthana relieved the memories of Hipp Hipp Hurray with her movie directorial debut.

 

Saheb Biwi aur Gangster. The rustic look reminded me of Omkara. Fast paced screenplay and amazing supporting actors.

 

(HOPING TO FILL THIS SPACE). No, I still haven’t got a chance to catch The Dirty Picture or Rockstar. Yes KMN.

 

 

The Bald spots (The Duds. Pulled strands of hair)

 

7 Khoon Maaf. It was torture. Predictability got its new definition.

 

Yamla Pagla Deewana. The way Dharmendra behaved in the film he deserves to be punished.

 

Game. The mind numbing who dunnit. Still exasperating how Excel produced this!

 

Ready. 45 minutes into the movie I knew death will be better. And in the same breath let’s include Bodyguard here.

 

Murder 2. A soft porn production by the Bhatts. 30 minutes into the movie and I knew Jacqueline saved the costume budget.

 

Bbuddahh Hoga Tera Baap. Overdose of Big B. He needs to take it slow. No, really! Over exposure on social websites and then this horrendous narcissist portrayal.

 

Yes. I was sane enough not to finish watching the catastrophy thy name Ra.One. I am keen to know in which parallel universe is this a movie SRK created for kids with the disgusting sexual innuendos! Seriously, the moment I read this line in a review – ‘Kareena was shown sprinkling the ‘ash’ after they have buried the dead body’ I knew I won’t be watching it. EVER! But I still saw 20 minutes of this puke inducing movie after I challenged A that I’d rather watch Ra.One TWICE than watch Himes’ Dammadamm. I actually liked Dammadamm.

The Telly (The Wit. The Deductions)

 

Modern Family. Oh yes, Modern Family. This is clearly one of the best shows on telly today. The dry wit, the eclectic mix of characters, the take on Modern Families.

 

The Middle. Patricia Heaton’s portrayal as Frankie Heck is reminiscent of our moms. Sue Heck’s unbeatable spirits remind me hey everything will be fine!

 

HIMYM. Just when I had started to give up on the show, it picked up marvellously with the new season. Marshall and Lilly make me believe in stories that last forever.

 

Emmy’s 2011. ‘Aah welcome to the Modern Family Awards‘ (Jane Lynch). Aah Shelly Jim Parsons got his second Emmy, Aah Jim looked ridiculously cute while accepting it.

 

Sherlock. Aah Benedict Cumberbatch portraying the mystifying lead character in this contemporary take on Doyle’s literary work.

 

(Two & a Half Men. Reruns of Reruns. Not digging the new season. I feel like punching the smirky Ashton as soon as the title track begins.)

 

The Soul Stirrers ~ special mention for movies that not necessarily released in 2011 but were seen in 2011.

 

The Girl in Yellow Boots (2010). The movie left me disturbed. Twitterville suggested I’d watch Bol as well. I chose not to. My soul was shaken enough!

 

The Way Back They say it is part fiction part true. What I took from the movie is I WANT to believe a group of prisoners did walk their way from Siverian Gulag to India.

The Whistleblower (2010). This disturbed me and made me thank god for living in one of the safest places on earth. If this account by Kathryn Bolkovac (portrayed beautifully by Rachel Weisz) is true I feel violated. I feel helpless. I feel inhuman.

Contagion (Jennifer Ehle is brilliant), The Debt (except the shaky end) and MI4 (the Burj Khalifa scene scared the hell out of me). Trust (all the parents of teenage kids must watch)

When reality is better than fiction

There was a time when mom actually yelled at me everytime I used to start a new book. I always had a book in my hand and couple of those Papa got from the Naval Central Library. At that time I could read almost anything and at a good speed losing myself in the world.
The fiction world seemed surreal and I learnt a lot from the characters, the situations and above all the words craftily spun into mystic sentences by the authors.

2007 – that year changed me completely and most of you almost know by now why as most of my posts are related to that one incidence. Why my posts have a similar underlying theme is because on 10 October 2007 this blog was started as an outlet for all the congested emotions that were building up in my heart like a bacteria for too long. This blog was a vent for them. That’s why I chose to wrote under the pseudonym - Fruity – a tribute to salute the effervesence and the undying spirit of a bubbly girl called Mehak who did die in 2007.

During 2006, I had started reading three books (I was in a habit to read multiple books simulataneously) – Life of Pi, Shantaram and The Fountainhead. I had borrowed these from my cousin and friends. While I was packing my stuff before making a big move to New Zealand, I bought the copies of the books so that I could read these.

Circa 2009, the books were still wrapped in their covers, eating dust in the tall boy while I concentrated on writing about my in built emotions. I felt like a prisoner of depression for three years. I felt sad, alone and overall pissed off at these books which most of the times had happy endings. The real characters of people, the real life situations and above all the words craftily said by these people took precedence and nipped my heart several times.

This was the time when reality started looking better than fiction and educated me a lot too.

Its been three years, I have met people who have lost their parents when they were kids or have not even seen their parents. I have met people who have been alone fighting through a disease. I have met people who don’t have fancy things as I do.
I have consoled other people a million times, given them hope and let them smile when I smiled. I know for some people my smile is the reason for their smile. I have written on other blog posts about my own experience and how god is always there. I read the nice little review by her too that made me reminisce about the old times. Trust me there is no better therapy then self therapy.

I have started to forgive myself, I have started to forgive him for ditching that night and not waiting till morning, I have forgiven myself for letting that effervescent girl die a silent death.

11 March 2010, precisely 4 days post the third death anniversary, I picked the book, cleaned the dust using my sleeve and took off the cover and devoured it to let the young girl feed on the characters and words. The Fountainhead is back!

Its almost time when I have outcomed the dark insipid space and taken over to renew the lease of this life! I am going to nurture every bit of it. I am going to do things that I stopped three years ago. I am going to think about me. I am going to read the fiction to face the harsh reality with a new outlook and new take on life! I have finally succeeded to beat the depression. I am a winner in my own right.

Callousness and Me

I have seen people cry and depressed just because someone else said some thing really mean or nasty to them.  I have been at a stage where a mere higher raise of noise would bring make my eyes brimming with tears. But now the Mehak I am I hardly feel anything.

 The Pune bomb blast scared the hell out of me. It was around 4am NZT and I read about it on twitter. MrShri tweeted about it. That did make me sad. I was alone that time studying and felt I needed a hug to calm me. I was so scared.

But then things that people (read family or friends) say they do nothing to me now. I have just become so callous. I don’t care who said what/ who didn’t do what/who did do what. I am loving my callousness. Hurt is not felt after a point is reached where the body and mind endured endless hurt that you could never imagine. Be it someone saying nasty and gory things right onto your face or losing your parent.

Pain subsidizes in a while and something else takes its place. A hard hitting feeling where your heart is protected by a thick glass shield. The interiors of heart do not listen or care what is being said and when its not taken inside its thrown right back at the distant person. The callousness is indeed my strongest weapon now.

Only fear being what if the heart becomes resistant to the ones that *I* love. Will it hurt me if they are hurt? Will it pain if they say something to me?

I have stopped caring just about so many things in life. I just listen to what is happening and forget about it the minute the sentence is finished. I don’t care simply ’cause I have learnt to become selfish.

I have learnt that keeping yourself happy is a duty you owe to god and most important yourself!

I have learnt that if you are really sad about something do not make others sad by constantly talking about it. If you are sad for your one child do not become sad during the happiness of the other child. He/she doesn’t deserves it.

I have learnt that no matter how much tears you shed or no matter how much attention you attach to certain people’s perspective they are just not worth it!

I have learnt to say I am fine and stopped my tears coming out from the contours of my eyes and learnt to dry my wet lashes.

My smile is my camouflage and it hides my vulnerable side to the world.

I can proudly say come on – I am ready for brickbats and meanness and nasty-ness.

I am prepared. I have arrived.

महसूस

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है

आँखों का भ्रम कहो या मन का धुंदला विश्वास

कई बार उसने मेरे कंधो पे हाथ रखा है

जब भी पलट कर देखा वो धुंदला नज़र आया है

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है

उसने आँखों की सुजन को भी पढ़ा है

पहली बूँद जो टपकी झट से उसने  उठाया है

जब भी दूसरी बूँद टपकी मैंने उसे पिया है

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है

उसने मेरे उलझे बालों को सहलाया है

पहली लट जो उडी थी कानो के पीछे उसने घुमाया है

दूसरी लट जो उडी थी आँखों को उन्होंने चुभाया है

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है