Learning it the hard way


It is astonishing how your closest friends will say the most acerbic statements to you in a spur of a moment and won’t even feel sorry. Your kind soul might give them a benefit of doubt by blaming stressful life, PMS or just being a temporary bit**.

Under the cloak of jest, friendship is often abused. I have been at the receiving end of it just because *takes a moment for this* – I am unemployed. I, like my girl community over think the statement again and again. I have realised that in the past I must have also uttered inanities to my friends as well. I can actually recall two incidents where I was consciously being a bit**. I apologised to one of them by picking the phone once I reached home and saying  sorry. The other one, I never got around saying sorry.

Now why I end up being bruised by these statements:

1. I tend to do a LOT for friends whom I consider family. Specially when you are living abroad you need to have a close set of friends else it gets severely depressing.

2. Number 1 leads to high expectations.

3. I avoid conflicts. I hate loud fights. I hate when people in a spur of a moment forget their limitations.

4. I mostly smile when some inanity is reflected towards me rather than answering back owing to our relationship history or seniority (if the said friend is senior to me).

Four recent incidents have made me write this post. I have been continuously over thinking why these  people behaved in the way they did. I am not going to confront these people – not because I am a coward (the direct term used by one of them who was hell bent on shoving their morality down my throat).

I have been subjected to constant jibes, raised voices and verbal abuse while growing up. I know there is no point in yelling back. You only projectile the dirt back onto yourself. I learnt this the hard way in 2007. I am a totally different person ever since that year.

What I have decided to adopt is this:

Learning it the hard way. But the good news is I am learning.

Learning it the hard way. But the good news is I am learning.

1. If your so called close friend or even a family member is continuously taking jibes at you or is ignorantly causing you grief, best is to stay away from them.

2. Focus on cultivating your passion. If you don’t have a passion, focus on finding what drives you.

3. Promise yourself to emerge as a better person, to not being a pushover, to focus more on life’s goal.

I realized one of my life long goals in 2012. I am now going to focus on the next two goals – one personal and one professional. 

4. Being successful is the only quality that earns you respect. No matter how nice you are, being kind is a cheap quality these days it seems.

I am sad at the same time to give in to the hardcore materialistic way of life. But I got to change with time before I am crushed to dust. And to people who drag you down because you are unemployed – please eff off.  It takes guts to quit an amazing job to focus on yourself.

To my detractors, I will only rise from now on. Don’t want anymore of your fake friendship or cynicism or banal advice.

Forgiveness will always be a long process where the inanity behind it might be caused in a spur of a moment.

Life is Lulzmaxxx


My mind thinks about ten thousand things at the same time working at an obnoxious speed that leaves me begging for a start/stop switch. It processes ten thousand decisions, thoughts and survival theories in random order.  I cannot stop it. Even while sleeping, this process  continues to defeat the valour of sleep and takes pride in its despicable insomniac victory.

When I attempt to fight with this process, I sometime just take a moment and ponder over the marvellous connectivity of the several thoughts. A long lost memory of a family friend or a distant relative, a childhood story, destiny’s legit path, a faint smell, someone’s first name, someone’s last name – they all compete together in the process. It is a terribly exhausting exercise that leaves me drained out of emotions that could have been otherwise helpful in daily life. I am mostly rewarded with a headache that is most of the times alleviated by the iPad.

Amongst many other useful features of iPad, the most important is putting it on your forehead in case of headache. #LifeHacks

You see, I am trying to maintain a sad kind of sense of humour here. Maybe this self-depreciating style is heavily inspired from my lulzmaxxx buddy Shawshank.

Anyway the point is, Life is lulzmaxxxx. It is so sad it is funny. I am writing here because they say writing is therapeutic and also I kinda wanted some space to pour these random thoughts else head always feels like a landmine. And I was bored. Fringe’s first episode scared me and I didn’t had anything else to do.

SO there! Let the mother of random blogposting begin. One lulzmaxx at a time.

Lulzmaxxx

2011 : A Closure


Dear 2011,
Thank you for finally coming to your tail end. I have been waiting for you to get over since May 2011. You have been brutal. You have been kind. You have been taunting. You have been encouraging. You tested my patience. You tested my mood swings. You tested my relationships. You shaped my personality. You have been a year that’s made of character building stuff.
 
You are now ending with a smile on my lips and a boost of self-confidence. Please keep the vibes alive for 2012 and beyond.
 
And dear readers, thank you for subscribing to this blog. No, seriously! It feels great to receive so much love. I am feeling encouraged to post regularly.
Wish me for the new innings. A big challenge will start from 9 January, 2012 and I am excited and nervous at the same time.
 
Love,
md610
xx
 
And now for keeping the blog’s tradition alive with the top entries.
 
The moments captured in my heart (with some vaaaa on the side *pout pout*)
 
  1. Valentine’s Day Surprise Cruise
  2. 6 May – And we graduated! Missed mom dad but basked in the comforting warmth of A who stood by me like a rock during all the troubling times.
  3. 2 September – Big day for daddy’s lil girl. I know he is proud of me for expanding my purchasing horizon wider than shoes and dresses.
  4. 28 October – Glimpse of the oasis. There is a silver lining to all dark clouds. Light at the end of a four year old bumpy tunnel stretch.
  5. 5 November – A ‘ground breaking’ day.
 
The Angels (in no order as they have equal space in my heart )
 
Mum Dad – They heard our rants, they advised us, they coached us. They were the lifeboat that kept us floating. They helped us take wiser decisions. Above all, for they counted us in their blessings.
 
Prashant and Sujatha – For being our family here. For many late nights. For several chat sessions. For being adorable Vedant and Dhruv’s Kaki.
 
Frank and Saloni – For being a mentor for our new challenge. For being the ones who knew what we were going through. For opening their house and their heart to us. A special polar bear hug to Suhaan. Let’s go to Bunnings * repeat 10,000 times. :P
 
Mridu – For hearing me out. For being the first person to actually tell me I am her Best Friend *weeps*. For giving me an advanced birthday present because I deserved it (rightly so!). For being the kid sister I never had. Love you Mridu from the bottom of my heart. :) I missed you SO SO SO much.
 
A special shout out to Ragu for his continuous help. For our late night brainstormings. For his classic wobble headmovement. For just being this NICE.
 
My A – For holding my hand. For comforting me. For wiping my tears. For listening to my sleep time talks. For hugging me. For not letting me fall.
Pyar Mein Hai Jeevan Ki Khushi, Deti Hai Khushi Kai Gham Bhi
Main Maan Bhi Loon Kabhi Haar. Tu Maane Na
 
 
The Pep-ness
 
Jagjit Singh Ji’s concert at The Edge. I have counted my stars several times for getting to witness his aura in my lifetime.
 
Su’s Baby shower. Played hostess. Some heavy duty baking and lots of organizing later it was a lovely evening!
 
A’s surprise birthday party. I finally managed to pull a surprise!
 
Shetty Anna’s farewell. Aah the dance of madness. The impromptu chorus of Teri Tirrchi Nazar Ne Dil ko Pencharr with tablaa on the table.
Day of Diva. Lots of Lavender, Aromatherapy.. Some girly moments, sips of Strawberry Lush and an incredible dinner at Ruan Thai with the boys!
 
Camping trip to Paihia. A much needed break. More here.
 
 
The Losses
 
Stupid decision with an area of 1200m2 and some 50k hectares. *smh*
 
Being too busy to lose touch with the buddies. Sorry Kanika, Mansi and Monu. Y’know I love you like crazy. I do. I do. I do.
 
The uncontrollable flow of tears after reading fake tweets regarding Jagjit Singh Ji. I have only cried once before like this. It took so long for me to hear his music again. The first time I heard Kal Chaudhavin Ki Raat thi tears rolled down my cheeks.
 
Faith in twitterville. The site allured me with its 140 characters marvelousness and gems (tweeps!!) who are now on my fb list. The site turned me off with pseudocelebs and fake people who made it a ghetto. How can I ever miss my lovelies – VanDiablo and Rohwit for being their constantly and making me laugh in tough times.
 
NaNoWriMo. Due to events post 28 October I couldn’t keep my pace up with the writing challenge. I will be better prepared for 2012. Yes, I will be. Sorry my dear sponsor. I know I’ve let you down.
 
 
The Hits. The online acclaim. The web of md610
 

This love story found so much adulation. Why, it brought me at least three offers for professional writing.


This destiny v/s talent short story promoted good debate on direct messages and gtalk chat windows.

My first audio story rendition found stupendous response and brought me so much love and and affection for my diction and voice. Some mistook me for a professional sound artist. Some mistook me for an RJ.
The audio rendition of this poem that I wrote several years ago struck a sensitive chord with people. I got a worried call from family back home. Had to convince my super huggable folks that the poem didn’y reflect anything that was happening to me personally.

The iPhone photographer in me found some sugah on Instagram. Check them here. Alternatively, check the imported Flickr stream here.
 
 
The Music. The best mate - iPod
(A big polar bear hug to my Santa who gave me the much desired Bose Acoustics Noise Cancelling Headphones)

Uff the madness. The addiction. This is clearly one of the BEST OSTs in recent times.


Delhi Belly. The situational tracks with perfect dose of pep pep pep. Special mention to end piece of Tere Siva, the sole love ballad.
 
Rockstar – Kun Faaya Kun. I am lost for words. Sheher Mein. Tum Ho. Aah the magic of ARR.
 
The Saadi Galli, The Laung Da Lashkara, The Char Baj Gaye, The Bekaraan, The Saibo, The Senorita, The Chammak Challo, The Madhubala, The Jugni, The Ooh La La
 
Adele. She captured my heart. She has a voice that is hopelessly beautiful. She helped me mend my broken heart somehow.
 
 
The Big Screen (Indian)
 
Dhobi Ghaat. Amazing debut by Kiran Rao. Beautiful screenplay. Heart-warming characters. Lovely thumris.
 
Pyaar Ka Punchnama. Hilarious dialogues. Boys perspective. Guilty conscious girls. Liquid FTW.
 
Shaitan. Loved loved loved. EXCEPT the last scene. Still not over Khoya Khoya Chaand!
 
I am Kalam. Promoted this gem as much as I could on social sites. BRILLIANT. Had a long chat with Pitobash about his work. Also, in the same breath let’s include Chillar Party.
 
Yeh Saali Zindagi. Chitrangda. Irrfan. Arunoday. Aditi. A heady cocktail of performances.
 
Chalo Dilli. A sweet tale. Beautiful ending.
 
Mujhse Fraandship Karoge. Nupur Asthana relieved the memories of Hipp Hipp Hurray with her movie directorial debut.
 
Saheb Biwi aur Gangster. The rustic look reminded me of Omkara. Fast paced screenplay and amazing supporting actors.
 
(HOPING TO FILL THIS SPACE). No, I still haven’t got a chance to catch The Dirty Picture or Rockstar. Yes KMN.
 
 
The Bald spots (The Duds. Pulled strands of hair)
 
7 Khoon Maaf. It was torture. Predictability got its new definition.
 
Yamla Pagla Deewana. The way Dharmendra behaved in the film he deserves to be punished.
 
Game. The mind numbing who dunnit. Still exasperating how Excel produced this!
 
Ready. 45 minutes into the movie I knew death will be better. And in the same breath let’s include Bodyguard here.
 
Murder 2. A soft porn production by the Bhatts. 30 minutes into the movie and I knew Jacqueline saved the costume budget.
 
Bbuddahh Hoga Tera Baap. Overdose of Big B. He needs to take it slow. No, really! Over exposure on social websites and then this horrendous narcissist portrayal.
 
Yes. I was sane enough not to finish watching the catastrophy thy name Ra.One. I am keen to know in which parallel universe is this a movie SRK created for kids with the disgusting sexual innuendos! Seriously, the moment I read this line in a review – ‘Kareena was shown sprinkling the ‘ash’ after they have buried the dead body’ I knew I won’t be watching it. EVER! But I still saw 20 minutes of this puke inducing movie after I challenged A that I’d rather watch Ra.One TWICE than watch Himes’ Dammadamm. I actually liked Dammadamm. :|
The Telly (The Wit. The Deductions)
 
Modern Family. Oh yes, Modern Family. This is clearly one of the best shows on telly today. The dry wit, the eclectic mix of characters, the take on Modern Families.
 
The Middle. Patricia Heaton’s portrayal as Frankie Heck is reminiscent of our moms. Sue Heck’s unbeatable spirits remind me hey everything will be fine!
 
HIMYM. Just when I had started to give up on the show, it picked up marvellously with the new season. Marshall and Lilly make me believe in stories that last forever.
 
Emmy’s 2011. ‘Aah welcome to the Modern Family Awards‘ (Jane Lynch). Aah Shelly Jim Parsons got his second Emmy, Aah Jim looked ridiculously cute while accepting it.
 
Sherlock. Aah Benedict Cumberbatch portraying the mystifying lead character in this contemporary take on Doyle’s literary work.
 
(Two & a Half Men. Reruns of Reruns. Not digging the new season. I feel like punching the smirky Ashton as soon as the title track begins.)
 
The Soul Stirrers ~ special mention for movies that not necessarily released in 2011 but were seen in 2011.
 
The Girl in Yellow Boots (2010). The movie left me disturbed. Twitterville suggested I’d watch Bol as well. I chose not to. My soul was shaken enough!
 
The Way Back They say it is part fiction part true. What I took from the movie is I WANT to believe a group of prisoners did walk their way from Siverian Gulag to India.
The Whistleblower (2010). This disturbed me and made me thank god for living in one of the safest places on earth. If this account by Kathryn Bolkovac (portrayed beautifully by Rachel Weisz) is true I feel violated. I feel helpless. I feel inhuman.
Contagion (Jennifer Ehle is brilliant), The Debt (except the shaky end) and MI4 (the Burj Khalifa scene scared the hell out of me). Trust (all the parents of teenage kids must watch)

When reality is better than fiction


There was a time when mom actually yelled at me everytime I used to start a new book. I always had a book in my hand and couple of those Papa got from the Naval Central Library. At that time I could read almost anything and at a good speed losing myself in the world.
The fiction world seemed surreal and I learnt a lot from the characters, the situations and above all the words craftily spun into mystic sentences by the authors.

2007 – that year changed me completely and most of you almost know by now why as most of my posts are related to that one incidence. Why my posts have a similar underlying theme is because on 10 October 2007 this blog was started as an outlet for all the congested emotions that were building up in my heart like a bacteria for too long. This blog was a vent for them. That’s why I chose to wrote under the pseudonym - Fruity – a tribute to salute the effervesence and the undying spirit of a bubbly girl called Mehak who did die in 2007.

During 2006, I had started reading three books (I was in a habit to read multiple books simulataneously) – Life of Pi, Shantaram and The Fountainhead. I had borrowed these from my cousin and friends. While I was packing my stuff before making a big move to New Zealand, I bought the copies of the books so that I could read these.

Circa 2009, the books were still wrapped in their covers, eating dust in the tall boy while I concentrated on writing about my in built emotions. I felt like a prisoner of depression for three years. I felt sad, alone and overall pissed off at these books which most of the times had happy endings. The real characters of people, the real life situations and above all the words craftily said by these people took precedence and nipped my heart several times.

This was the time when reality started looking better than fiction and educated me a lot too.

Its been three years, I have met people who have lost their parents when they were kids or have not even seen their parents. I have met people who have been alone fighting through a disease. I have met people who don’t have fancy things as I do.
I have consoled other people a million times, given them hope and let them smile when I smiled. I know for some people my smile is the reason for their smile. I have written on other blog posts about my own experience and how god is always there. I read the nice little review by her too that made me reminisce about the old times. Trust me there is no better therapy then self therapy.

I have started to forgive myself, I have started to forgive him for ditching that night and not waiting till morning, I have forgiven myself for letting that effervescent girl die a silent death.

11 March 2010, precisely 4 days post the third death anniversary, I picked the book, cleaned the dust using my sleeve and took off the cover and devoured it to let the young girl feed on the characters and words. The Fountainhead is back!

Its almost time when I have outcomed the dark insipid space and taken over to renew the lease of this life! I am going to nurture every bit of it. I am going to do things that I stopped three years ago. I am going to think about me. I am going to read the fiction to face the harsh reality with a new outlook and new take on life! I have finally succeeded to beat the depression. I am a winner in my own right.

Callousness and Me


I have seen people cry and depressed just because someone else said some thing really mean or nasty to them.  I have been at a stage where a mere higher raise of noise would bring make my eyes brimming with tears. But now the Mehak I am I hardly feel anything.

 The Pune bomb blast scared the hell out of me. It was around 4am NZT and I read about it on twitter. MrShri tweeted about it. That did make me sad. I was alone that time studying and felt I needed a hug to calm me. I was so scared.

But then things that people (read family or friends) say they do nothing to me now. I have just become so callous. I don’t care who said what/ who didn’t do what/who did do what. I am loving my callousness. Hurt is not felt after a point is reached where the body and mind endured endless hurt that you could never imagine. Be it someone saying nasty and gory things right onto your face or losing your parent.

Pain subsidizes in a while and something else takes its place. A hard hitting feeling where your heart is protected by a thick glass shield. The interiors of heart do not listen or care what is being said and when its not taken inside its thrown right back at the distant person. The callousness is indeed my strongest weapon now.

Only fear being what if the heart becomes resistant to the ones that *I* love. Will it hurt me if they are hurt? Will it pain if they say something to me?

I have stopped caring just about so many things in life. I just listen to what is happening and forget about it the minute the sentence is finished. I don’t care simply ’cause I have learnt to become selfish.

I have learnt that keeping yourself happy is a duty you owe to god and most important yourself!

I have learnt that if you are really sad about something do not make others sad by constantly talking about it. If you are sad for your one child do not become sad during the happiness of the other child. He/she doesn’t deserves it.

I have learnt that no matter how much tears you shed or no matter how much attention you attach to certain people’s perspective they are just not worth it!

I have learnt to say I am fine and stopped my tears coming out from the contours of my eyes and learnt to dry my wet lashes.

My smile is my camouflage and it hides my vulnerable side to the world.

I can proudly say come on – I am ready for brickbats and meanness and nasty-ness.

I am prepared. I have arrived.

महसूस


कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है
आँखों का भ्रम कहो या मन का धुंदला विश्वास
कई बार उसने मेरे कंधो पे हाथ रखा है
जब भी पलट कर देखा वो धुंदला नज़र आया है

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है
उसने आँखों की सुजन को भी पढ़ा है
पहली बूँद जो टपकी झट से उसने  उठाया है
जब भी दूसरी बूँद टपकी मैंने उसे पिया है

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है
उसने मेरे उलझे बालों को सहलाया है
पहली लट जो उडी थी कानो के पीछे उसने घुमाया है
दूसरी लट जो उडी थी आँखों को उन्होंने चुभाया है

कई बार ऐसा हुआ है उसे मैंने महसूस किया है

Yeah hang me I am so late as usual


Well well well guess who is finally updating the blog with awards update – me ….dumb question…

I have two pending tags since eternity…well you have full liberties to hang me….I won’t give reasons  after all new project, uni workload or severe case of tonsillitis is not a reason to stop me from acknowledging the love showered by you three angels…

Lets start with the tags first. First ones from Priya…tagged on 15 October 2009…hmmm its still October :P

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
God I look super hot in this pink halter neck top :P so glad summers are back….

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
umm $20 I don’t use cash at all

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
More???? ;)

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
No one….I always delete my recent calls (how freaky coincidentally same is that Priya??)

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
Awara bhanwarey Jo Haule Haule Gaaye :)

6. What are you wearing right now?
Pink Halter Neck and Capris

7. Do you label yourself?
I belong to labels – Carlton London, The Body Shop and Ardens and Chambors are calling me :P

8. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently own?
Nike (freakkkkyyyy) if we talking about my sneakers..

9. Bright or Dark Room?
Dark

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Awesome and I love her comments on FB :) :) infact I look forward to them

11. What does your watch look like?
I don’t wear a watch but I have over 20 watches ;)

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Gasping for breath (I am sick!!! dayyyummmnnn sinusitis and tonsillitis)

13.What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
“Hey mehak :) hows your throat? Hope you feelin better…have a good weekend and take heaps of rest :)”  thank you Raj Baba :P

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
Awwwiiiee, muuuaaah, yaay, wow – thanks for whopppa Priya..I will try to say it Bing style :P

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)
I am not telling :P

16. Last furry thing you touched?
Dholu – my sweet elephant…! :D

17. Favourite age you have been so far?
from 0 – present!

18.  What was the last thing you said to someone?
Teri hone lagi hu jabse mili hoon.. :P

19. The last song you listened to?
Tera Hone Laga Hoon (APKGK)

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Delhi :)

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Nopes :)

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
Hhahah lots I can’t even count them on my fingers…

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Clothes :P, my phone, tissue

24. What’s your favourite town/city?
Delhi and Rarotonga :)

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
Last year to mom..a long one…….

26. Can you change the oil on a car?
So we add oil apart from petrol..aaah interesting…

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
First big crush is still studying and highly disappointed with me :)

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my eyes, my throat, my head, my whole body –  I AM SICKKKKKKK mummmmmmyyyyyyyyyy :(

29. What is your current desktop picture?
Auckland city view from Mt Eden :)

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Nopes…..I get cooling effects from it ;)

Second tag is from Avada…..I am loving this girl even more…… :) there are two tags – first one – Guilty or Innocent I have done already, here

The other one is interesting and here is my attempt……go ahead..read it

TAG #02 : How DUMB are you?
The more [x]’ s the “dumber” you are.

I am scared of doing this….specially when I have been labelled Rachel many times..so here goes…

[] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were talking
[ X ] Gum has fallen out of your mouth when you were NOT talking
[X] You have ran into a glass/screen door
[  ] You have jumped out of a moving vehicle
[X] You have thought of something funny while walking by yourself
[X] Laughed, then watched people give you weird looks
[ X ] You have run into a tree/bush.
[  ] You know that it IS possible to lick your elbow
[ X ] You have tried to lick your elbow… a few times
[ X ] You never knew that the Alphabet and Twinkle Twinkle Little star have the same rhythm.
[ X ] You just tried to sing them.

So far: 8 :(

[ X] You have tripped on your shoelace and fallen.
[ ] You have choked on your own spit .
[ ] You have seen the Matrix and still don’t get it.
[ ] You’ve never seen the Matrix.
[ ] You type only with two fingers.
[X] You have accidentally caught something on fire
[] You tried to drink out of a straw, but it went into your nose/eyes.
[ ] You have caught yourself drooling.
[ ] You have fallen asleep in class and fell outta your chair

So far: 10 :( :(

[ ] Sometimes you just stop thinking
[X] You are telling a story and forget what you were talking about
[ ] People often shake their heads and walk away from you
[ ] You are often told to use your “inside voice”.
[X ] You use your fingers to do simple math
[ X] You have eaten a bug
[X] You are taking this test when you should be doing something more important
[X] You have put your clothes on backwards or inside out, and didn’t realize it
[X] You’ve looked all over for something and realized it was in your hand
[ ] You have ran around naked in your house.

So far: 16 :( :( :(

[ ] You repost bulletins because you are scared that what they say will happen to you if you don’t.
[X] You break a lot of things.
[ ] Your friends know not to use big words around you.
[ X] You tilt your head when you’re confused
[X] You have fallen out of your chair before
[X] When you’re lying in bed, you try to find pictures in the texture of the ceiling or wall
[X ] The word “ummmmm” is used many times a day.

TOTAL: 21 :( :( :( :( now someone pls give me 21 guns salute in honour of my dumbness…eh!!!

Thank you Priya for the international bloggers awards yet to come across another desi from NZ on wordpress,  Avada for the three awards…wohooo and Reema for the addicting blog award??? really???

Thanks Priya…how sweet :) you rock \m/

Yaay how sweet of you :)

I love this award – very special for me
my best budd

Thank you Reema Yaay for 2 years