Global hub but not hubby


This topic has been flirting with my mind’s nerves since two months and complaining against my ignorance to it like a little puppy..Finally here I am penning oops😉 typing my thoughts over this subject…..

Cross cultural wedding

Cross cultural wedding

India is embracing globalization just like how a newly purchased dress is adorned by a girl with panache and pride. Families are sending their kids to study abroad in wake of increasing competition, reservation systems and less number of colleges. The families bear a proud grin on the face whilst telling the neighbours or the overtly closed extended family members that their son/daughter is studying in US/UK/Australia. They get excited at the prospect of receiving ISD calls and being net savvy courtesy regular video chat sessions on Skype/Yahoo/MSN.  Its not only education thats taking youths abroad…now its the MNCs, the jobs, the software hubs, the research and development tasks that are taking people to beautiful locales of Swiss alps, Gondola ridden Dutch land, adventorous Oz or the fashion capitals of Milan, Rome, London or New York. Right now all my friends are currently abroad-either sudying or working.

One common thing which mothers especially keep telling their sons before boarding the airplane and asking for liquor from the sexy European airhostess is – ”’Gori se shaadi karne ka mat sochna‘. My mother also told me very strictly when I told her I wanted to pursue my masters from abroad – ‘Studies are fine and so is job, but don’t ever be friendly with a foreigner.’ Her fears were relaxed by my unexpected wedding to a Kiwi based Indian….. and how happy she was (is).

I really don’t understand the idea behind this. They say the cultural difference is gonna be huge and there is no security in the wedding as foreigners are known for their records……😀 I say the case is increasing in Indian society as well. Divorce rates are increasing and so are separation rates. Couples are not happy and continuing to live a farce for the sake of family honour. Love is no longer there but family pride prevails at full vigour….then why bugle the cross cultural and global funda????? My take is if we Indians are global enough to adorn the foreign brands and ready to send oour kids abroad for finer education then why not also accept their love interests and give them blessings? When parents get prepared enough  to send them at tender age of 17 or 18 why also they are not prepared enough to understand they are youths and will definitely fall in love……why do they forget the concept of ‘Vashudev Kutumbakam‘ (whole world is one common family).

Well anyways I know my perspective has no relevance in wake of people who are even against inter caste/religion weddings. A few of my close friends are battling out with their parents because either the guy is from some other castes (but a hindu) or simply because he/she is of upper or lower caste. They have decided to forget their love and move ahead in life forgetting all the chemistry they ever had and ready to tie the knot with some girl/boy met randomly through an online matrimonial site. Is that fair- taking life’s primal decision based on some horoscopes and 36 guns(traits)??? Is is fair to make two strangers fall deliberately in love and act in front of thousands of people when their heart still aches for the ones they loved? I was damn scared about telling my dad about my husband as he too is from different religion….I never knew how would dad react to this? And he did -he didn’t sleep for nights….but he was always open at the option of meeting him and then taking any decision..he met him,liked him and gave his blessings….

Still there are families who won’t even consider the option………they don’t even wanna hear the name……I know girls who are getting married late in exchange of good dowry just because their parents couldn’t find good match in the community….I know girls who ultimately get married to different communities simply because their parents couldn’t find a good match in the same community (the same parents who brag of not marrying their daughters outside caste and twitched their noses to my parents because they did!!!!!!)

I don’t know how things will change or simply enough do we Indians actually want it to change or are e happy being ignorant enough of this fact….the parents keep searching a girl for their son while the son stays in a live -in relationship with a foreigner and pretends to care to look at the regular photographs of Indian girls he receives in his email……he sometimes even selects a desi girl and gives a fake date toooo never to return to India..while the girl’ family bugles the deal they have got in getting an NRI damaad(son-in law)..

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All the incidents or instances mentioned above are true cases..no names or fake names have been incorporated in order to maintain the privacy of the concerned people.You’re welcome to add your thoughts in the comments and also share incidents that  you’re aware of.

21 thoughts on “Global hub but not hubby

  1. I am romanian and my fiance is indian. We share a very beautiful relationship and i really respect and love him so much…but fact is that no one understood and no one understands still my relation. Only we know and God knows too how much love we have for each other and how much we wish to be together forever. I just totally agree with what you wrote. God didn’t make us separate, in so many countries, he just made us equal, each of us. But we always forget about this thing and we start to hate each other or we just lose our faith on those around us. Why can’t we love those around us? And why can’t we understand that each country is beautiful, each country is special, each country has good and bad people…we are just not so different as we think…we are same. Color, religion these things are not important. But we like to complicate our lives and to make a drama from each little thing. I just don’t understand all of these… life can be so simple, beautiful and peaceful, then why we have to be so complex?
    Honestly, i love your country and i respect all of you, your traditions, everything. It is true that i don’t agree with some things what happen in your country and i feel sad too. But i am a positive person and i like to believe that things will be fine one day. As long as pure love exists nothing bad can happen. So just love, and don’t ever be afraid to love truely. There is nothing to be afraid of, neither of God, because He is the one who will be always by His children’s side. Live your lives fully without thinking so much, without any complexity and be happy. But not just with a simple smile on your face, just let everything come from your heart and smile deeply. My best wishes to all of you🙂 From me and from my mangetar, with lots of love

  2. You are right. India is changing but still some families retain the dogmatism…..However mostly it comes down to the point whether the two in a relationship, are strong and committed enough to bear the storm………..

    Anyways, hope our generation will be much better and open to the needs of the hour……………………..

  3. @ Preeti- Thanks dear…US has a bad reputation in these terms..two of my cousins have gone through this..thank god the wedding was called off when a well wisher informed us about the guys and their gori gfs!😦

  4. That was quite an heartfelt post. Yes, it is true life has no guarantees, be it Indian guy or foreigner guy. Love marriages also fall apart.😦

    And yes, wish more people act on concept of ‘Vashudev Kutumbakam‘. As ish says, things are changing. Maybe, they change for better. I am an optimist.🙂

  5. Here it is, my first comment after returning from my illness! You’re of course my oldest friend on WP, so I came here first!😀
    Cultural differences aside, I think people tend to become weird once they become parents! Some strange gene switches on they become the weirdest creatures on earth!😀

  6. hmmm… i agree to u.. well written…
    well i have this close frnd who was married a year back to a guy whoz in US since 8 yrs. after this kundali formalities everything worked well till she landed and her hubby received her there. life was like collapsed when she found a lady (the guy’s GORI wife) with her frnds.. just imagine how much shocked she must had been…..

  7. Pingback: In Love But Not Happy? | 7Wins.eu

  8. True thoughts🙂 In any case, there is no guarantee for Indian arranged marriages as well🙂 I think, given the conservative attitude of we, Indians, we should not expect these kind of things to be accepted vry soon. Our generation has got lot many opportunities unlike our ancestors…so how can we think they understand and accept this? I don’t think the previous generation has to be blamed for this? It depends on how we grow up and what we see in life..We all talk about “global” marriages as we got an opportunity to go out of India and understand people over there. Had we been an undeveloped nation without the concept of globalisation no one of us would have talked about this today. So finally, acceptance takes time in India. A very good point that you have raised, Mahak! Love should have no boundaries🙂
    BTW, you are tagged!😀

  9. Good post!! One of my sister’s friend married an Irish guy and they are quite happy. There is no guarantee that an Indian guy or of the same caste or with whom kundli matches wil keep the girl happy. I see so many married people young and old living and unhappy married life just based on compromise and “samjhauta express”. And they r the ones whose marraige had been in the traditional way in same caste and with matching of kundlis etc. I agree with Ish on Indian’s attitude towards foreigners.
    Having said that, it really takes a lot of adjustment and broad mindedness and understanding to accept a person with a cultural and bringing up background so different from ours. More chances are of the relation not working out. Hence to save their kids from heartbreaks and future problems parents advise not to fall in love/marry a foreigner. Even in India, I have seen love marriages having problems due to different cultural background like Jain and Punjabi. After the initial ecstasy of love, what starts is the real life. and in that even differences in small things matter a lot. Its totally upto a couple how well they cooperate and work things out.

  10. yes the things are changing… some for good and some for not- so- good! Divorse for example is not what i would accept as a good change! this is generally speaking, am not talking aout the extremel cases of differences of beatings and all!

    @ Vishu

    Wow, that’s a super stand to take when you have not even met the girl!😉

    you have not met THE girl, hai na!

  11. Things are changing, aren’t they? Some years back, even love marriages were taboo. But now they’re fairly okay. My cousin had a love marriage and he married a hindu, we being sikhs and he didn’t face much of an opposition because parents now are willing to accept the fact that it’s his life and he deserves to live it according to himself, not according to them. So that thing is changing like on a generation basis. I believe we Indians don’t trust people easily and don’t fancy change much. That’s why we look for people from the same community and all. And as far as gora’s are concerned, they don’t have a nice image as far India goes, do they? Everybody thinks they’re sex obsessed, into drugs and all of that stuff. Actually all this must be happening in the US too with the white’s and the black’s. So, yea, things will change I guess, but it’ll take time. Long time.

    Btw, can I add you on Facebook?😛

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