I have seen people cry and depressed just because someone else said some thing really mean or nasty to them. I have been at a stage where a mere higher raise of noise would bring make my eyes brimming with tears. But now the Mehak I am I hardly feel anything.
The Pune bomb blast scared the hell out of me. It was around 4am NZT and I read about it on twitter. MrShri tweeted about it. That did make me sad. I was alone that time studying and felt I needed a hug to calm me. I was so scared.
But then things that people (read family or friends) say they do nothing to me now. I have just become so callous. I don’t care who said what/ who didn’t do what/who did do what. I am loving my callousness. Hurt is not felt after a point is reached where the body and mind endured endless hurt that you could never imagine. Be it someone saying nasty and gory things right onto your face or losing your parent.
Pain subsidizes in a while and something else takes its place. A hard hitting feeling where your heart is protected by a thick glass shield. The interiors of heart do not listen or care what is being said and when its not taken inside its thrown right back at the distant person. The callousness is indeed my strongest weapon now.
Only fear being what if the heart becomes resistant to the ones that *I* love. Will it hurt me if they are hurt? Will it pain if they say something to me?
I have stopped caring just about so many things in life. I just listen to what is happening and forget about it the minute the sentence is finished. I don’t care simply ’cause I have learnt to become selfish.
I have learnt that keeping yourself happy is a duty you owe to god and most important yourself!
I have learnt that if you are really sad about something do not make others sad by constantly talking about it. If you are sad for your one child do not become sad during the happiness of the other child. He/she doesn’t deserves it.
I have learnt that no matter how much tears you shed or no matter how much attention you attach to certain people’s perspective they are just not worth it!
I have learnt to say I am fine and stopped my tears coming out from the contours of my eyes and learnt to dry my wet lashes.
My smile is my camouflage and it hides my vulnerable side to the world.
I can proudly say come on – I am ready for brickbats and meanness and nasty-ness.
I am prepared. I have arrived.