It is astonishing how your closest friends will say the most acerbic statements to you in a spur of a moment and won’t even feel sorry. Your kind soul might give them a benefit of doubt by blaming stressful life, PMS or just being a temporary bit**.
Under the cloak of jest, friendship is often abused. I have been at the receiving end of it just because *takes a moment for this* – I am unemployed. I, like my girl community over think the statement again and again. I have realised that in the past I must have also uttered inanities to my friends as well. I can actually recall two incidents where I was consciously being a bit**. I apologised to one of them by picking the phone once I reached home and saying sorry. The other one, I never got around saying sorry.
Now why I end up being bruised by these statements:
1. I tend to do a LOT for friends whom I consider family. Specially when you are living abroad you need to have a close set of friends else it gets severely depressing.
2. Number 1 leads to high expectations.
3. I avoid conflicts. I hate loud fights. I hate when people in a spur of a moment forget their limitations.
4. I mostly smile when some inanity is reflected towards me rather than answering back owing to our relationship history or seniority (if the said friend is senior to me).
Four recent incidents have made me write this post. I have been continuously over thinking why these people behaved in the way they did. I am not going to confront these people – not because I am a coward (the direct term used by one of them who was hell bent on shoving their morality down my throat).
I have been subjected to constant jibes, raised voices and verbal abuse while growing up. I know there is no point in yelling back. You only projectile the dirt back onto yourself. I learnt this the hard way in 2007. I am a totally different person ever since that year.
What I have decided to adopt is this:
1. If your so called close friend or even a family member is continuously taking jibes at you or is ignorantly causing you grief, best is to stay away from them.
2. Focus on cultivating your passion. If you don’t have a passion, focus on finding what drives you.
3. Promise yourself to emerge as a better person, to not being a pushover, to focus more on life’s goal.
I realized one of my life long goals in 2012. I am now going to focus on the next two goals – one personal and one professional.
4. Being successful is the only quality that earns you respect. No matter how nice you are, being kind is a cheap quality these days it seems.
I am sad at the same time to give in to the hardcore materialistic way of life. But I got to change with time before I am crushed to dust. And to people who drag you down because you are unemployed – please eff off. It takes guts to quit an amazing job to focus on yourself.
To my detractors, I will only rise from now on. Don’t want anymore of your fake friendship or cynicism or banal advice.
Forgiveness will always be a long process where the inanity behind it might be caused in a spur of a moment.