Life is Lulzmaxxx

My mind thinks about ten thousand things at the same time working at an obnoxious speed that leaves me begging for a start/stop switch. It processes ten thousand decisions, thoughts and survival theories in random order.  I cannot stop it. Even while sleeping, this process  continues to defeat the valour of sleep and takes pride in its despicable insomniac victory.

When I attempt to fight with this process, I sometime just take a moment and ponder over the marvellous connectivity of the several thoughts. A long lost memory of a family friend or a distant relative, a childhood story, destiny’s legit path, a faint smell, someone’s first name, someone’s last name – they all compete together in the process. It is a terribly exhausting exercise that leaves me drained out of emotions that could have been otherwise helpful in daily life. I am mostly rewarded with a headache that is most of the times alleviated by the iPad.

Amongst many other useful features of iPad, the most important is putting it on your forehead in case of headache. #LifeHacks

You see, I am trying to maintain a sad kind of sense of humour here. Maybe this self-depreciating style is heavily inspired from my lulzmaxxx buddy Shawshank.

Anyway the point is, Life is lulzmaxxxx. It is so sad it is funny. I am writing here because they say writing is therapeutic and also I kinda wanted some space to pour these random thoughts else head always feels like a landmine. And I was bored. Fringe’s first episode scared me and I didn’t had anything else to do.

SO there! Let the mother of random blogposting begin. One lulzmaxx at a time.



Getting over

I will get over you. Even though there was no closure, I will. I will let my heart prepare for excruciating pain that will last for months. But this pain will be less painful than the pain I get daily from not hearing from you, not looking into your eyes, not telling you silly things, not letting you go.I will be fine. I guess. I am hopeful.

The mere thought of stretching this comatose relationship while putting it on odd messages’ ventilator support is inhuman. It needs to be set free; to be euthanised – into an indefinite dead stage, where you and I could breathe finally.

We have been choking on each others’ monumental expectations, on each others’ time windows. I beg, you yearn – this needs to be stopped. We need to be brave. We need to mingle in our own social circles to help us fill the vacuum we have left in each others’ laughter. I will be slightly tipsy while dressed looking all sorts of gorgeusness. Not thinking even once about clicking a pic for you. Not thinking even once if you could be there in the mix of crowd as my comforting face telling me shhhhhh I know you way more than these morons.

I will be fine. You will be fine too. The feelings will remain forever because ‘we are each others’ that single person we will always have feelings for no matter what’. 
Just that we won’t be talking. We won’t be expecting anything anymore. We will find another person who will help us fill in the large vacuum.


Currently listening to – Sau dard hai.

Behta hain paani behne de, waqt ko yuhi rehne de

Dariyaa ne karwat li hai toh sahilon ko sehne de

Sau hasratein par tera gham nahii

Sau dard hain,sau rahatein sab mila dil nashin ek tu hi nahii


Originally posted here.

Come back to me

Come back to me. I want to see you, take that warm palm of yours..that is full of so many complicated lines that intersect at so many places. I wonder where I fit into that fate line. Let me hold your palm. It is bit rough and I like it. Makes it even more inviting to hold it.
Let’s spend some time together. In the same coordinates of the universe. Spend a day together. Just talking nonsense. Or even better, don’t say a word. Just make few shapes with our fingers and play with their shadows on the wall. Just find something new about each other. Notice a mole or a scar on our skin. Notice how the lines on our faces changed since the time we met.  Just watch each other breathing. 
Then fall asleep when the eyes would give up after staring. Then let our dreams continue our story.
Partners in rhyme

Partners in rhyme

Currently listening to – Your body is a wonderland // Something ’bout the way the hair falls in your face 
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase //
This post was inspired after some heavy J. Mayer dosage. I am trippin’ on Born and Raised. Hey, he got me out of oblivion on this blog space.

2011 : A Closure

Dear 2011,
Thank you for finally coming to your tail end. I have been waiting for you to get over since May 2011. You have been brutal. You have been kind. You have been taunting. You have been encouraging. You tested my patience. You tested my mood swings. You tested my relationships. You shaped my personality. You have been a year that’s made of character building stuff.
You are now ending with a smile on my lips and a boost of self-confidence. Please keep the vibes alive for 2012 and beyond.
And dear readers, thank you for subscribing to this blog. No, seriously! It feels great to receive so much love. I am feeling encouraged to post regularly.
Wish me for the new innings. A big challenge will start from 9 January, 2012 and I am excited and nervous at the same time.
And now for keeping the blog’s tradition alive with the top entries.
The moments captured in my heart (with some vaaaa on the side *pout pout*)
  1. Valentine’s Day Surprise Cruise
  2. 6 May – And we graduated! Missed mom dad but basked in the comforting warmth of A who stood by me like a rock during all the troubling times.
  3. 2 September – Big day for daddy’s lil girl. I know he is proud of me for expanding my purchasing horizon wider than shoes and dresses.
  4. 28 October – Glimpse of the oasis. There is a silver lining to all dark clouds. Light at the end of a four year old bumpy tunnel stretch.
  5. 5 November – A ‘ground breaking’ day.
The Angels (in no order as they have equal space in my heart )
Mum Dad – They heard our rants, they advised us, they coached us. They were the lifeboat that kept us floating. They helped us take wiser decisions. Above all, for they counted us in their blessings.
Prashant and Sujatha – For being our family here. For many late nights. For several chat sessions. For being adorable Vedant and Dhruv’s Kaki.
Frank and Saloni – For being a mentor for our new challenge. For being the ones who knew what we were going through. For opening their house and their heart to us. A special polar bear hug to Suhaan. Let’s go to Bunnings * repeat 10,000 times. 😛
Mridu – For hearing me out. For being the first person to actually tell me I am her Best Friend *weeps*. For giving me an advanced birthday present because I deserved it (rightly so!). For being the kid sister I never had. Love you Mridu from the bottom of my heart. 🙂 I missed you SO SO SO much.
A special shout out to Ragu for his continuous help. For our late night brainstormings. For his classic wobble headmovement. For just being this NICE.
My A – For holding my hand. For comforting me. For wiping my tears. For listening to my sleep time talks. For hugging me. For not letting me fall.
Pyar Mein Hai Jeevan Ki Khushi, Deti Hai Khushi Kai Gham Bhi
Main Maan Bhi Loon Kabhi Haar. Tu Maane Na
The Pep-ness
Jagjit Singh Ji’s concert at The Edge. I have counted my stars several times for getting to witness his aura in my lifetime.
Su’s Baby shower. Played hostess. Some heavy duty baking and lots of organizing later it was a lovely evening!
A’s surprise birthday party. I finally managed to pull a surprise!
Shetty Anna’s farewell. Aah the dance of madness. The impromptu chorus of Teri Tirrchi Nazar Ne Dil ko Pencharr with tablaa on the table.
Day of Diva. Lots of Lavender, Aromatherapy.. Some girly moments, sips of Strawberry Lush and an incredible dinner at Ruan Thai with the boys!
Camping trip to Paihia. A much needed break. More here.
The Losses
Stupid decision with an area of 1200m2 and some 50k hectares. *smh*
Being too busy to lose touch with the buddies. Sorry Kanika, Mansi and Monu. Y’know I love you like crazy. I do. I do. I do.
The uncontrollable flow of tears after reading fake tweets regarding Jagjit Singh Ji. I have only cried once before like this. It took so long for me to hear his music again. The first time I heard Kal Chaudhavin Ki Raat thi tears rolled down my cheeks.
Faith in twitterville. The site allured me with its 140 characters marvelousness and gems (tweeps!!) who are now on my fb list. The site turned me off with pseudocelebs and fake people who made it a ghetto. How can I ever miss my lovelies – VanDiablo and Rohwit for being their constantly and making me laugh in tough times.
NaNoWriMo. Due to events post 28 October I couldn’t keep my pace up with the writing challenge. I will be better prepared for 2012. Yes, I will be. Sorry my dear sponsor. I know I’ve let you down.
The Hits. The online acclaim. The web of md610

This love story found so much adulation. Why, it brought me at least three offers for professional writing.

This destiny v/s talent short story promoted good debate on direct messages and gtalk chat windows.

My first audio story rendition found stupendous response and brought me so much love and and affection for my diction and voice. Some mistook me for a professional sound artist. Some mistook me for an RJ.
The audio rendition of this poem that I wrote several years ago struck a sensitive chord with people. I got a worried call from family back home. Had to convince my super huggable folks that the poem didn’y reflect anything that was happening to me personally.

The iPhone photographer in me found some sugah on Instagram. Check them here. Alternatively, check the imported Flickr stream here.
The Music. The best mate – iPod
(A big polar bear hug to my Santa who gave me the much desired Bose Acoustics Noise Cancelling Headphones)

Uff the madness. The addiction. This is clearly one of the BEST OSTs in recent times.

Delhi Belly. The situational tracks with perfect dose of pep pep pep. Special mention to end piece of Tere Siva, the sole love ballad.
Rockstar – Kun Faaya Kun. I am lost for words. Sheher Mein. Tum Ho. Aah the magic of ARR.
The Saadi Galli, The Laung Da Lashkara, The Char Baj Gaye, The Bekaraan, The Saibo, The Senorita, The Chammak Challo, The Madhubala, The Jugni, The Ooh La La
Adele. She captured my heart. She has a voice that is hopelessly beautiful. She helped me mend my broken heart somehow.
The Big Screen (Indian)
Dhobi Ghaat. Amazing debut by Kiran Rao. Beautiful screenplay. Heart-warming characters. Lovely thumris.
Pyaar Ka Punchnama. Hilarious dialogues. Boys perspective. Guilty conscious girls. Liquid FTW.
Shaitan. Loved loved loved. EXCEPT the last scene. Still not over Khoya Khoya Chaand!
I am Kalam. Promoted this gem as much as I could on social sites. BRILLIANT. Had a long chat with Pitobash about his work. Also, in the same breath let’s include Chillar Party.
Yeh Saali Zindagi. Chitrangda. Irrfan. Arunoday. Aditi. A heady cocktail of performances.
Chalo Dilli. A sweet tale. Beautiful ending.
Mujhse Fraandship Karoge. Nupur Asthana relieved the memories of Hipp Hipp Hurray with her movie directorial debut.
Saheb Biwi aur Gangster. The rustic look reminded me of Omkara. Fast paced screenplay and amazing supporting actors.
(HOPING TO FILL THIS SPACE). No, I still haven’t got a chance to catch The Dirty Picture or Rockstar. Yes KMN.
The Bald spots (The Duds. Pulled strands of hair)
7 Khoon Maaf. It was torture. Predictability got its new definition.
Yamla Pagla Deewana. The way Dharmendra behaved in the film he deserves to be punished.
Game. The mind numbing who dunnit. Still exasperating how Excel produced this!
Ready. 45 minutes into the movie I knew death will be better. And in the same breath let’s include Bodyguard here.
Murder 2. A soft porn production by the Bhatts. 30 minutes into the movie and I knew Jacqueline saved the costume budget.
Bbuddahh Hoga Tera Baap. Overdose of Big B. He needs to take it slow. No, really! Over exposure on social websites and then this horrendous narcissist portrayal.
Yes. I was sane enough not to finish watching the catastrophy thy name Ra.One. I am keen to know in which parallel universe is this a movie SRK created for kids with the disgusting sexual innuendos! Seriously, the moment I read this line in a review – ‘Kareena was shown sprinkling the ‘ash’ after they have buried the dead body’ I knew I won’t be watching it. EVER! But I still saw 20 minutes of this puke inducing movie after I challenged A that I’d rather watch Ra.One TWICE than watch Himes’ Dammadamm. I actually liked Dammadamm. 😐
The Telly (The Wit. The Deductions)
Modern Family. Oh yes, Modern Family. This is clearly one of the best shows on telly today. The dry wit, the eclectic mix of characters, the take on Modern Families.
The Middle. Patricia Heaton’s portrayal as Frankie Heck is reminiscent of our moms. Sue Heck’s unbeatable spirits remind me hey everything will be fine!
HIMYM. Just when I had started to give up on the show, it picked up marvellously with the new season. Marshall and Lilly make me believe in stories that last forever.
Emmy’s 2011. ‘Aah welcome to the Modern Family Awards‘ (Jane Lynch). Aah Shelly Jim Parsons got his second Emmy, Aah Jim looked ridiculously cute while accepting it.
Sherlock. Aah Benedict Cumberbatch portraying the mystifying lead character in this contemporary take on Doyle’s literary work.
(Two & a Half Men. Reruns of Reruns. Not digging the new season. I feel like punching the smirky Ashton as soon as the title track begins.)
The Soul Stirrers ~ special mention for movies that not necessarily released in 2011 but were seen in 2011.
The Girl in Yellow Boots (2010). The movie left me disturbed. Twitterville suggested I’d watch Bol as well. I chose not to. My soul was shaken enough!
The Way Back They say it is part fiction part true. What I took from the movie is I WANT to believe a group of prisoners did walk their way from Siverian Gulag to India.
The Whistleblower (2010). This disturbed me and made me thank god for living in one of the safest places on earth. If this account by Kathryn Bolkovac (portrayed beautifully by Rachel Weisz) is true I feel violated. I feel helpless. I feel inhuman.
Contagion (Jennifer Ehle is brilliant), The Debt (except the shaky end) and MI4 (the Burj Khalifa scene scared the hell out of me). Trust (all the parents of teenage kids must watch)

Minions to Destiny

To have an awareness of what we want and how we are going to attain it is a complex plan that we all should have. One may ponder over the current path of life and question the legitimacy of the path it has taken. One day we want to be away from confines of routine and follow our adrenaline rush and the other day the protective embrace of monotony makes us excited with a single word of acknowledgement. Are we too lazy to rebel against the options life throws at us or are we minions to destiny? Sal was too engrossed in avoiding these questions.

Each day Sal performed with other students. He often forgot his lines and joked over his age. Other students ignored his antics and didn’t say much as they respected him for his craft. Sal performed while breathing under the skin of his character. The faculty and old students kept debating what stopped him from making it big in life.

Ray silently observed Sal and while exasperating, he questioned his own talent. He contrasted the paths Sal and he had taken. He probed the purpose of enrolling in the institute. He was given a time frame of six months to learn and absorb as much as he could. Sal was his creative threat and creative inspiration. Within next two months he was to be launched. Expectations and comparison to his stalwart family were least of his worries. What constantly pinched was the fact that he knew he was not made for the craft. Sal’s techniques made him wonder if this is what he really wanted.

Being naturally talented often demands the need for being in the right place and at the right time. The constant introspection of ‘was this the original plan’ is a terrible way to spoil evenings and nights. Even after mastering a craft for years, one may get the nervous pangs. The pangs poke fun when we face continuous rejection. Was Ray right in pursuing an art he was not made for but destined for? Was Sal right in pursuing an art he was made for but not destined for?

Sal silently observed Ray and while exasperating, he questioned his destiny. He knew Ray had no innate traits but the acquired trait of his family name over weighed any other flaws in his career path. Within next two months Ray was to be launched. The sting of jealousy bit Sal but didn’t encourage him to fight with the routine. There were some moments where he gathered and absorbed the notion of self-belief that he was better than him. Such moments quickly withered away whenever he saw Ray’s name in the newspaper. Sal continued to act.

Both were leading each other’s life swapped as a terrible joke. Both of them kept wasting evenings and nights fighting with the ghosts of past’s plans.

Why most of the times we end up being the mediocre person? Why fame eludes those who escape the luck line? Why do we keep hanging on the hope for that one chance that will re-write our destiny? Why is that most of the times we keep being the average person people notice but don’t know about?

Why is that we lack the awareness of what we truly want and how we are going to attain it? Sal was too engrossed in avoiding these questions.

Currently listening to – Har Taraf Har Jagah Beshumaar aadmi, phir bhi tanhaiyon ka shikaar aadmi // Zindagi ka muqaddar safar dar safar aakhri saans tak bekaraar aadmi

MBA with specialization in life

‘These are beautiful flowers didi, very fresh, offer to the devi-she will make you engineer didi. Please buy them didi ( “Sister” in Hindi). I may have very conveniently ignored her feeble voice at first go but the word engineer rang a bell in my mind. I looked at the tiny little girl standing in front of me with a basket bigger than her own size. There were beautiful garlands of marigold and few loose marigold and roses. I was waiting to get an autorickshaw at Laxminarayan road. She repeated the sentence like a pesky alarm clock which had made my life a turnaround hell. I looked at my watch and realized I was very late for my coaching class. ‘Didi please buy some flowers dididevi will help you in your MBA didi’- she spoke again in her feeble voice-a voice so thin that it could even cut through my ear drums. I was about to tell her to go away when I realized the sound of MBA with a slight delay. I asked her how did she knew I was trying to do MBA. She smiled and I saw her teeth- two of them widely breached in between. She giggled and said -‘all the students who come to the temple either ask for success in Engineering exam or MBA exam, they pray a lot near the idols and I heard them saying it‘.

I was obviously very late for my coaching class so I thought of buying garland and offering to the idol. I asked her name. She giggled and said- ‘Dolly’. Her enthusiasm was reflecting brighter than the soil on her torn frock and larger than her small frame. She quickly took the five rupee coin and kept it safely inside her basket. She took a piece of newspaper and quickly rolled a garland with white twine. I secretly wished if I could solve the data interpretation questions with the speed with which she tied the twine around the paper. I went inside the temple and actually prayed for my success in the CAT examination.

She was talking to another young boy when I came out. She was saying with great prominence that her garlands were a proved key to success in the Devi maa temple. The boy nodded and immediately gave her a ten rupee note.

I went to her and asked her why is she not attending school. She looked at me and answered in her same feeble voice- ‘Baba got his leg amputated in the factory……how can I go to the school..who will feed my little brother?‘. I was about to ask her another question when she spotted another young girl and yelled- ‘Aye didi‘. She went to her and came back with ten rupees.

Before I could talk to her anymore I saw Dolly walking to an old man and saying -‘Baba buy garlands for devi – your children will take care of you’.

I wasn’t interested in her sad little story or her struggle for survival. I wasn’t feeling any pity also. I was sure of her because I knew she was an MBA with specialization in life. Her marketing concepts were far clearer than mine. She knew advertising and knew her target audience very well. Her positioning strategy was clear and she was already an expert in Consumer Behavior. And here I was standing wondering over fate of even getting an admission in a reputed institute. I looked at the remaining flower petals which Pujari ji had given me and thought- may be I still have a chance!

Jolt to reality

A jolt from reality always shows the difference between what we aspire and what we have actually achieved. Not knowing what to do was the underlying cause of most of his miseries. The taken for granted achievements coaxed him to submit his dreams to struggles of daily life. The day was predictable but some of the dreams still struggled in eyes. The old musical notes flew out of the tightly tied file and touched his feet when the hands hurriedly tried to perfect the tie knot. Battling with immature demands of his inner child was an art he learnt with his batch mates while struggling to get placed.

 A half-hearted hello was said to that child while laughing over a repeated joke heard near the pantry. A half interested glance was given to the several glossy magazines that enjoyed the freedom on the breakout room table. The pool table and dart board reminded him of several bets that were placed in one life time that was lived a long ago. Some old friends found place in the instant messenger window. The chat engine never encouraged him to connect with them. The banalities of conversation gave him another excuse to submit his aspiration to struggles of his daily life.

 It is not that that he didn’t try to let the inner child win or take over. He tried. But the taken for granted achievements of his job title and monthly e-payments gagged him. The achievements mocked him when he took a look outside the office window. The people on the streets were walking in leisurely motion. He could have swapped places but he was being mauled by the responsibilities that the recent appraisal got in. The clients were the ones who talked to him at length and his team was the one who listened to him for too long. Although, ‘was he heard’ was a discarded question altogether.

The evenings were spent dragging himself to the vacant apartment. It was never his home. Several channels were flicked and nothing could amuse him. The frozen meals were heated and dishes were done. The refrigerator was searched for something more to satiate his hungry inner child. Any amount of ice cream or frozen pie couldn’t satiate it. It was as if the inner child wanted more than a sweet dish. It was as if the inner child wanted some time off from the life he was allegedly leading. It was as if he wanted to backpack across an unknown continent. It was as if he wanted to escape the captivity of social networks that guaranteed anything but connection. It was as if he wanted to yell once and tell others to shut up. It was as if he wanted to slower the pace of world that zoomed in front of him.

 It was as if he wanted to give a jolt to reality.


 Currently listening to – Hey You ~ Pink Floyd