Learning it the hard way

It is astonishing how your closest friends will say the most acerbic statements to you in a spur of a moment and won’t even feel sorry. Your kind soul might give them a benefit of doubt by blaming stressful life, PMS or just being a temporary bit**.

Under the cloak of jest, friendship is often abused. I have been at the receiving end of it just because *takes a moment for this* – I am unemployed. I, like my girl community over think the statement again and again. I have realised that in the past I must have also uttered inanities to my friends as well. I can actually recall two incidents where I was consciously being a bit**. I apologised to one of them by picking the phone once I reached home and saying  sorry. The other one, I never got around saying sorry.

Now why I end up being bruised by these statements:

1. I tend to do a LOT for friends whom I consider family. Specially when you are living abroad you need to have a close set of friends else it gets severely depressing.

2. Number 1 leads to high expectations.

3. I avoid conflicts. I hate loud fights. I hate when people in a spur of a moment forget their limitations.

4. I mostly smile when some inanity is reflected towards me rather than answering back owing to our relationship history or seniority (if the said friend is senior to me).

Four recent incidents have made me write this post. I have been continuously over thinking why these  people behaved in the way they did. I am not going to confront these people – not because I am a coward (the direct term used by one of them who was hell bent on shoving their morality down my throat).

I have been subjected to constant jibes, raised voices and verbal abuse while growing up. I know there is no point in yelling back. You only projectile the dirt back onto yourself. I learnt this the hard way in 2007. I am a totally different person ever since that year.

What I have decided to adopt is this:

Learning it the hard way. But the good news is I am learning.

1. If your so called close friend or even a family member is continuously taking jibes at you or is ignorantly causing you grief, best is to stay away from them.

2. Focus on cultivating your passion. If you don’t have a passion, focus on finding what drives you.

3. Promise yourself to emerge as a better person, to not being a pushover, to focus more on life’s goal.

I realized one of my life long goals in 2012. I am now going to focus on the next two goals – one personal and one professional. 

4. Being successful is the only quality that earns you respect. No matter how nice you are, being kind is a cheap quality these days it seems.

I am sad at the same time to give in to the hardcore materialistic way of life. But I got to change with time before I am crushed to dust. And to people who drag you down because you are unemployed – please eff off.  It takes guts to quit an amazing job to focus on yourself.

To my detractors, I will only rise from now on. Don’t want anymore of your fake friendship or cynicism or banal advice.

Forgiveness will always be a long process where the inanity behind it might be caused in a spur of a moment.

Wake up- Break-up

The venue was set and so was the time and date. She was excited and was glad to be finally take out some time from studies and her study table and go out with her friends and laugh. She told her boy friend about her plan who immediately gave a disapproving nod asking her not to go. She knew his possessiveness level -so she tried to calm him down by assuring him she is going to have all her friends there and she will not talk to boys and won’t sit with any guy. She even told him she won’t talk to any boys of her group. But he was persistent and stuck to his disapproving nod.

 

She decided to go ahead and be herself after all those years of painful courtship. She wanted to go out and have just a single day enjoying the laughter, the leg pulling and silliness of jokes she shared with her pals.

 

 

It was her birthday and she met him in the morning. She was beaming and expected some sort of surprises for her- but here were none. He asked her for treat and she gave him one still waiting for a surprise. The surprise came- there was no present, no card, no candies not even a hand written note. He dropped her at her college and before leaving she said standing by the car door- I am going out for lunch and quickly left to ignore all yellings and swearing that followed.

He was standing outside the college gate when she was coming out crowded by her jolly friends. She was laughing at her childhood friend’s silly jokes when she saw him. He came to her and said – he is going to drop her to the restaurant where she was having her birthday lunch. She was quite suspicious and told him her friend would also come with her. He hesitantly said yes and they drove a little far from the college precincts when he parked the car next to a building and told her friend to go from there to the venue adding carelessly that she will not be able to make it for her own birthday lunch. Her friend was dumb founded and looked at her to gather a single streak of response. She gathered some courage and told him- she is not going to listen to him and will surely make it for the lunch. He sweared a lot and kept cursing her. She asked her friend to get out of the car. Before she could open the car’s door she felt a strong punch hitting her hard across the face immediately followed by a sharp slap on the same cheek. Her friend yelled out and went out of the car and took her injured friend out and called for a rickshaw. They took it and the friend told the rickshaw puller to go as fast as he can. She couldn’t hear at all from her left ear and cried heavily. Her friend also helped her ease off her already sprained left arm and held her closely confirming if she could still hear. She thought about taking her to hospital as her friend was not reacting. Before the friend could took any decision she saw the white car merging from behind and brought to screechy halt right in front of the rickshaw. He came out of the car and pulled the girl and kept swearing and telling her not to create a scene. The friend called her other friends on mobile and they talked to the guy on phone trying to retaliate. The public kept looking at the scene. The boy calmed in fear of police.

The girls reached the venue and went directly to washroom where she washed her face and tried to look good for her own birthday treat. She just broke out and confided that the guy only had twisted her left arm a day before knowing very clearly she is left handed and rarely uses her right hand. She looked swollen and had trouble speaking and hearing. She went out and saw her friends laughing and giggling. She sat in middle of her two best friends and ignored the stares she got from her friends knowing very well the talks in the air- where everyone knew the nature and reason of her injury. She couldn’t eat the food, she couldn’t enjoy the jokes, she couldn’t appreciate the presents, she couldn’t thank her friends.

Her friends had been telling her to have a break-up for long time but it seemed as if she was hypnotized by the retarded guy who had convinced her she was nothing without him. He had convinced her she had no good looks and he was pitying her and favouring her by having him in his life. She tried coming out of the relationship after that incident. Six months later she was coxed by the retard who begged for forgiveness. She was trying to forget him and move on ahead with her friends and a new guy who loved her deeply. But the fool she was she forgave him and gave him another chance.

They spent next two years fighting bitterly over who should pay for date expenses or movie tickets. he asked her to give him some amount of money from her new job’s salary every month.

One day after a hard day’s work she got out of office at 8:45 pm dying to go home and have dinner and get back to her MBA preparation when she saw him waiting outside the office gate in the same white car. She gave a sigh of relief thinking hugging him would make her forget her headache and the day’s fatigue. He drove the car fast and parked it in a secluded area and slapped her hard across the face- asking what was she doing so late at work? Who is her lover in the office? Before she could speak he slapped her again and tried to rip her shirt apart. She screamed loudly and he feared the public. She kept crying loudly and he dropped her lamelessly outside her apartment gate. The girl cried her way to home in agony. Her parents were worried why was she crying. She lied and said – ‘ she fell down’.

She broke up him after wards and faced physical violence while having the break-up also. She slapped him hard across his face in their last meeting ever.

 

 

Physical violence is entirely the victim’s fault and sign of weakness. Well educated girls, intelligent girls are continuing to live in a torturous relationships everywhere- even in metropolitan cities.

Wake up- break-up sucks but life is beautiful after it. You only love some one who deserves you entirely- don’t feed yourself emotionally and physically to retards who can’t treasure your presence in their life.